Me,myself and I

Tired and totally lost.

2010-05-08T02:02:00.001-07:00

Sometimes when things don't go your way and you get frustrated, it's inevitable that you'll end up spouting words that you do not mean. Words that aren't meant to hurt the other party and yet it still does. Words that can be razor sharp and leave the other party feeling nothing but pain and hurt. Yes, you will feel remorseful about it, and even be apologetic about it, but would it ease the pain and suffering that the other party is going through?

The pain inflicted on them may not have been your ultimate aim, but in your ultimate quest of justifying each and every point of yours, you end up hurting them over and over again. Sometimes, perhaps you should just slow down and think about whatever has been happening, don't end up regretting and feeling remorseful about doing or saying something that you never meant.

What I went through today was not a major matter, but my tears just rolled down uncontrollably. Perhaps all the fault lies with me, perhaps I'm really the spoilt and unreasonable one, but sometimes can't you just stop and think about me? I do have feelings too you know, there are times that I feel vexed and tired out, but noone ever cares. I know that everyone is preoccupied with their lives and I don't want to seem as if I'm imposing on them.

It wouldn't hurt you just to ask if I'm okay right? I know I am apparently the least problematic of this family, but I also do need time on my own. I do have a life to lead, I do have things that I want to achieve in life. My life doesn't only revolve around you guys. Perhaps trying to be the best kid sometimes does have its negative points. Expectations of me get higher and when I fail to attain it, WHAM-BAM, I'm condemned to nothing. Really nothing. All I can say is I'm sorry if I cannot reach your expectations. I know that I've failed.

It's not that I want to give up sometimes, but you just make it all too difficult for me to take. When you say you wanna leave everything behind and leave once and for all, do you not know that such similar thoughts have also passed through my mind before? Everytime I hear you saying such stuff, I can't help but wonder, what if one day, I put your thoughts into action and leave once and for all.

I guess I just need time to understand everything that is going around me. I would not do anything reckless or stupid because I know that there are people out there who care.

`Just needed a place to rant my frustrations. Sorry if this posting actually affects any one of you. I'm sorry.

Heartache.

2010-03-20T21:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if I could just stop whatever I'm doing and yell, "Fuck, I've had enough." And then walk off. If only I had the courage to do the stuff that I wanted. If only I didn't need the financial support that I'm getting. If only I was not born into this world, if only I wasn't born into this family.

There are so many What Ifs in this world, but perhaps I should just accept all these crap and move on, pondering and harping on it won't do me any good, so just MOVE ON. Crap, sometimes I feel as if this world has nothing worth my second thoughts. Nothing worth me living for, this is it.

It's time to go.

Life in S.P. has unofficially ended.

2010-03-13T20:58:00.000-08:00

Hmm, let's see. It has been SO long since I last stepped in Blogger. Reading and looking back on the postings that I made in the past never fails to make me smile at the naivety and how trivial the matters that I went through last time. Those were the days that can be considered nothing as compared to what I've been going through these days. Life in S.P. is unofficially over, and I'm currently at a cross road of my life. Where should I go? What should I do? Where could I be heading? It's all a huge question mark.

As I ever said, I would do a detailed posting on each and every one of my good pals that have influenced me one way or another, those who have a significant impact and were there when I needed them the most, it's a time of dedication to you guys.

Let's start the ball rolling with my dearest,

Liu Ailing - Ahh! I bet she's feeling honoured for being the first to be mentioned! But don't be too happy, because I'm gonna do this according to AGE! WHEEHAHA! Okay, enough of making fun of ya, hee. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for approaching me on the very first day of school. Thanks for drawing me into you life, thanks for being there when I was feeling moody and down, thanks for allowing me to rant all my frustrations and scream at times, thanks for taking in all my nonsensical ramblings and sometimes acceding to my demanding requests, but I do know that deep down, you do know that you are important to me! I love ya for who you are and love ya for whatever you have done for and with me. Thanks alot for accepting me for who I was at first and changing me into who I am now. Thanks.

Go Rin See - MY ONLY CLOSE M_L_Y_I_A_ friend! AHAHHAHA! You can fill in the blanks and see what you end up with. The skinny and weak girl that happens to be the ONLY SKINNY ONE in my clique. You are the one that I randomly call to disturb, you are the one that can actually put up with all my nonsense and play along with me. You are the one that I constantly have to remind to be more confident and to speak up. You are the one whom which I have to drag along to outings. You seldom reject any of my offers to go out and that's what I love about you. HAHA! Whenever I wanted to disturb Ailing, you were always there supporting me in my quest of DISTURBING HER. Hee. Even though we are gonna be going our separate ways very soon, I hope that we can still keep in touch with each other and constantly update each other about our recent happenings. OKAY?

Lim Hui Zhen - XIAO FAT CONGGGG! I still am pretty fascinated at how we ended up being so close to one another. I still believe it all began with FYP getting us all worked up and frustrated that we actually really began to find that our thinking and point of views are pretty much the same. Even though we have only begun our friendship since August 2009 last year, I still think that our friendship runs deep. You are one of the important ones that have always been there for me whenever I needed to rant and complain. You were there comforting me, telling me that everything will be okay, and time is the essence of healing. You picked me up when I fell, and taught me alot of things with regards to life. And most importantly, YOU are the only 02 fella that I'm so close to! Thanks for accepting all my flaws and still consider me ya friend. I know that your criteria for selection of friends is pretty high and I am really honoured to be considered one of your good pals. =)

Muhd - AHAH! I bet he's gonna be pretty shocked that his name is actually appearing, but COME ON MUHD, you know that I don't only regard you as a photographer! HAHA! You have always been the resourceful one in our group and you NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH! You were the FIRST by which I BESTOWED the devilish side on, and you seem to be pretty proud of it. You evoked the evil twin in me, and I still cannot forget it till this day. Hee. You were there with me, during Geomatics with Pz, laughing at the interactions btw. Ling and Ren, looking at the two squabble and quarrel, eating our imaginary popcorn, and silently chanting, " JIE HUN JIE HUN". Those were the days, man. I'd also like to thank you for laughing alongside with me and constantly trying to keep the spirits up and high. Without you, the IMPORTANT CLASS REP., I bet that DEWT wouldn't be so united as how it is like today.

Song Peizhen - BLACK FACED, DAO KIA, YA-YA fella. HAHAHA! That was the first impression I had of this small-sized but SUPER-DUPER tanned gal. Back in Year 1, we really had nothing to say to each other, whenever our "bridge" Miss Liu was missing in action, we would just have a super quiet journey back home. I only got to know you more in Year 2 and I have never regretted the decision of opening up and wanting to learn more about you. You helped me through the 7 weeks of ITP at Nan Wah, you knew when I was upset and tried to comfort me, somehow or other, you just knew my mood for that day and you would accomodate me with regards to how I was feeling that day. I appreciate your efforts for sustaining this friendship and I really extend my sincerest gratitude for lending a helping hand in all my studies. Whenever I got frustrated and actually feel like giving up, you were there to tell me to try harder, you would explain till I understood what you actually meant. For that, I thank you and hope that our paths may continue to cross each other in future. =D

Che Zi Yang - Buddy ah Buddy. The one that seems to be close to me because of... HAHA! Actually to date, I have no idea how we ended up being so close to each other. The golden rule of One SMS per day. You are the only guy that I'm pretty close to even though we are seldom in the same project group. BUT, I'm still pretty glad that I have you as my Buddy. You are always the one that never fails to entertain me at night when I'm bored, the one who NEVER gives in to me, the one who always assume that I'm in search of a RICH and HANDSOME guy, but your antics never fail to put a smile on my face. You have always been there for me whenever I was feeling moody or irritated at the slightest stuff. Always there to cheer me up whenever you could tell that I wasn't happy through the tone of my SMS-es. *Ahh, the wonders of SMS. The one that always gives me a very FORCED smile when I tell ya to be more friendly and to smile more. I thank you for always looking out for me and claiming to protect me if someone wants to hit me. HAHA! I thank you for being there, buddy, THANK YOU!

Lim Renhui - Fellow Lim ah Fellow Lim. The fierce and dark army-looking guy. The one that seldom smiles, seeing a smile on his face is even tougher than finding a 50 dollar bill on the floor. LOL! The one that got me PRETTY frustrated when he lost my pencil case, but perhaps I should let bygones be bygones. Thanks for playing an important role in my life for being an excellent group member. Thanks for backing me up TOO in my quest of disturbing Ailing. You are constantly on the go to tease me about certain stuff, BUT without your never-ending teasing and poking fun, I bet my life in S.P. wouldn't have been so entertaining and eventful. I have to commend you for your fantastic PPT skills and you certainly do have your ways of working wonders with your laptop. LOL. Even though we may be going VERY different and separate ways, I hope that we would still be able to keep in touch with one another. Fellow Lims unite eh? =)

That's all, folks. Those abovementioned are those that have always been there to help me up and those who have impacted me greatly. It seems that all of us may be going our separate ways in future but I really do treasure my friendship with each and every one of you. You guys are the best pals that one can ever find in a lifetime.

I sincerely thank each and everyone from the bottom of my heart and actually no words can be actually sufficient to illustrate the extent of gratitude that I have towards each and every one of you.

Thanks for being there when I needed you guys the most, and here I'd like to wish every one of you all the best for your future endeavours.

Cheers,
Qi.

Ahh. An outlet for my emotions.

2009-10-30T22:21:00.000-07:00

Hmm, is it that often that I feel that nostalgic? I have no idea what's up with my pea brain lately. Every small little issue can send ripples and affect my mood tremendously. School has commenced for close to 2 weeks and I can already feel that it's taking its toll on me. How fragile can I be, I wonder..

Have been sick to close to 2 weeks now, counting back, that means I've been sick ever since school just started! I've had the blocked nose, dry cough and fever, which then evolved into the runny nose, phlegm cough and now, it has morphed into the ultimate sore throat and ulcers. How much worse can I fare.. Thought of coming up with a cheery and happy post to boost my mood but this seems to be coming out all the wrong way.

My friends around me have been very supportive. I know that they will be there for me whenever I need them. Seeing them in pain and suffering from matters of the heart makes me feel very useless. I know that there's nothing that I can do to alleviate the pain that they are going through, and that alone pains me. I just hope that they will be able to get out of their rough patch and be the happy selves that they once were.

My life has been smooth-sailing all my years in S.P. So I thought of dedicating this post to this institution and the friends that have been around me and supporting me along this important phase of my life.

SP is a school that helps in nurturing the future generations and bringing out the best in us! Nevertheless, who ever said that life in Polytechnics is easy ought to be shot. The workload in my course is not making my life a breeze, with tons of projects that pile up my schedule every semester, nothing about life in school is easy or relaxing. But, one thing that is worth commending are the lecturers that always interact with us and treat us like their friends, I still do respect them even though we are that acquainted that we can actually can chat about almost anything under the sun. We don't have that kinda invisible barrier that used to bound us in Primary and Secondary Schools.

My friends were the ones that were there for me when I was caught up with all the family problems and lent me their listening ears or even their shoulders to cry on when I was feeling down and out. They helped me when I felt that everything was crumbling down on me and I thought that I couldn't take it anymore. That's why I say that without friends, I wouldn't be the same Qi that everyone knows.

Naming them in no alphabetical order, I have Peizhen, Ailing, Rin See, Hui Zhen, Renhui, Muhd, Buddy a.k.a. Zi Yang. They were there for me when I needed help. It may be through projects that they helped me, it may also be just the act of asking if I was fine when I looked so lethargic. It may also be the fair share of jokes and merry making that we had, all those scenes are deeply etched within.

Thanks for being there for me when I thought that everything was going to be over. When I failed in anything, you guys were there to encourage me and asked me to move on. I've become who I am today because you guys were there whenever I needed you all. I love ya guys!

To all that have made me laugh or made my day, thanks for being there for me. =)

Assignments and Deadlines.

2009-08-07T23:47:00.000-07:00

I know I have been a pretty lousy blogger. I'll be lying if I say that I have absolutely NO time to blog. In between my breaks from deadlines and all, I do have a wee bit of time, but I don't get the motivation or the passion in blogging anymore. Or did I even have any to begin with? Sigh.

Okay, enough of my ranting. For those out there who is curious about my ever-boring life, I am currently still rushing all my deadlines for my projects. I have term tests the following week and ONE exam before I will be free for the holidays. All I want to do now is dig a hole and hide in there, ignoring everything that is happening around me. It has been close to 2 and a half years since I stepped into SP and I suppose I have matured and moved on. My views on issues have changed but I'm sure the childish streak in me is still there. Just did a quiz with reference to Marie Lai's BLOG. HAHA! These are the results.

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Taadaa, clever old me decided to post the quiz results up, by doing so gives my post VOLUME. Okay, back to rushing CE CON's tender documents. TILL then! Sayonara!

IT HAS BEEN SO LONG!

2009-04-13T03:31:00.000-07:00

It has been ages since I took the initiative to actually BLOG about my life. I feel quite bad for leaving this place to rot as it is now.. BUT I am back to REVIVE it alright? =)

My life has been alright, so far so good, I must say. I'm going on to my YEAR 3 NOW! YAY! Old as I may seem, I still feel super young at heart though! Sidetracking, I will be finishing my 7 week attachment at Nan Wah Engineering/Marketing soon! This coming saturday would be my last day at Nan Wah and I am currently having MIXED feelings indeed.

When I first started out at Nan Wah, I was extremely excited and was eagerly anticipating what working life was all about. Was OVER the moon when I knew that Ah Zhen and Eileen was also attached to the same company as me. Boy, was my happiness short-lived, I was transferred to Orchard Towers in the very first week!

Spent close to a week at Orchard Towers, feeling miserable and left out. That was a gruelling experience and I SUFFERED so much from it. Perhaps, the only plus point was the supervisor there! Was transferred back to Changi yet again after spending close to one week at Orchard.

BACK AT CHANGI = I felt super left out!
THEN again, it could be because I wasn't involved in any of the calculations and stuff that they did, it took me about 2 to 3 days to get myself accustomed to the calculations and all once again. Second time back again at Changi, I got to know the people there better and my fellow colleagues are actually a FUNKY bunch of people!

To start the ball rolling, let's start off with the two people that went to the same attachment as me:

Peizhen: THIS SHORTY AND SMARTY, and currently still limping small fella, she is one LAME and tolerable person from my point of view! She is someone who can actually take all my nonsense and allow me to rant and complain all I want to her. THANK god for her presence and of course, not to forget, her LOUD and cheery personality that kinda kept me going for the whole 7 weeks of attachment. I LOVE HER FOR WHO SHE IS, including her loudness, that is, and hope she stays that way! THANKS PEIZHEN!

Eileen: THIS WOMAN AH.. She isn't as serious as she LOOKS! LOOKS can be DECEIVING indeed. She is yet another CRAPPY friend of mine whom, I must say, is also another fun-loving character. She always takes the back seat and watch, WHILST laughing at both Peizhen and I. I BET, she also thinks that we are her source of entertainment for the WHOLE attachment! HEHE! Poor Eileen Liu Yi Lin had to take all my nonsense when our dearest Ah Zhen was on M.C.! THANKS FOR crapping with me all those times girl! =)

ONTO OUR DEAREST COLLEAGUES, (Doubt they will ever see this though..)

WE HAVE FIRST UP: Jenny the NANNY turned MOMMY, which makes it all too FUNNY.

JENNY ONG LI TING! HAHA! This is one funny lady! She is always the one brightening us up for the day. She is EXTREMELY loud and funny! Nothing seems to be able to darken her days, and she is always smiley and all. The office would be extremely quiet if not for her presence, and livening up of the atmosphere. She was OUR NANNY, who turned out to be our Mommy when a customer mistook us for her daughters! And all because of her, I ended up having 3 younger sisters and 2 younger brothers! SIGH. =(
Boy, perhaps this is one person that I will miss when school reopens! SHE SHOULD FEEL HONOURED for having impacted my life alright!

Next up, is JOYCE-EEEEEEEEEEE.

JOYCE LAI! My MAJIE. HAHA! This is another young lady that has made my life in Nan Wah more BEARABLE. She is the one that appears to be COLD and fierce on the outside, but is actually just another YOUNG and crappy individual once she opens up. My dearest Joyce, you must really learn to SMILE more and be more LOUD. I SHALL not forget the fact that you actually DAO-ed me the first time I saw you at BEDOK interchange. YOU would also be dearly missed by meeeee! =)

NEXTTTTTTT, would be my SHI MU. Eve Lim!

EVE (LIM), another one that cares a WHOLE lot about our welfare and such. The motherly figure that would occasionally chat with us to ensure that we are not too miserable working there. She is the one that gives us MOST of the workload though. HAHA! But nonetheless, if not for her, I would have ended up spending most of my time down at Second floor instead of Seven floor! For that, I really have to thank her from the bottom of my heart! HEHE!

There are many other figures in the company that impacted me one way or another. But listing all of them out would take AGES. Just wanna compile all my thanks and state here that I would like to thank each and every one who came into Lim Su-Qi's life and impacted it along the way. Be it teaching me valuable lessons or perhaps just a simple chat with me, I thank all of you.

Because of you guys, I believe I have grown and matured at my own pace and time. You may think that you have not done anything significant or anything huge, but to me, you guys spending time with me and teaching me alongside is really worth my gratitude to you guys. Thanks a whole lot!

*bows*

It's holidays till 13th October!

2008-10-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

I have been on my holidays since exams ended, somewhere late August. Results have been back again, this time G.P.A. have dropped yet again. Currently at a cumulative result of slightly above 3. I gotta pull up my socks and bring the grades back up! I was reading my sister's blog just now, dated latest May 2007. Went through her posts, and noticed the pain and grief that she went through was nothing less than what I had went through. Although it's true that we don't get along well as siblings, but I hope we can spend time together as a family. Thinking back on those days when it was noisy and cheery at our dining table.. Although there was constant bickering and poking fun at each other, these all belong to the past. The day Ann left us, part of us left with her too. Typing this post results in an aching heart. Hope that my mood will improve on its own. Sidetracking, blogging about my life, I have been resting and will be heading off the Beijing in 2 days' time. Leaving on the 3rd, which is my brother's 20th birthday. Will be back on the 8th October, night flight. These days, all I have been doing, is reading, watching TVB dramas and resting. Nothing much, just awaiting for Year 2, Semester 2 of my S.P. life to commence. Till then..

TAADAA. Term tests are finally over..

2008-06-30T21:53:00.000-07:00

Sigh, yet another post starting with the same old word, "Sigh". Why is that so? I'm currently set in an extremely quiet and eerie environment. The results of the terrible test of Industrial Noise and Vibration Control is coming back soon! I don't wanna face the music of the actions I've previously done. I DON'T! Let me hope for a miracle to happen soon, sigh.

Ok, all results are back, and it is TERRIBLE. I totally screwed up the stupid Insustrial Noise. That is one of the six modules that I didn't pass. I was so damn disheartened that I actually thought of giving it up one and for all. But apparently, I didn't have the courage to do so, all I have to do is move on and hope for the best. Perhaps it is true that you reap what you sow, I hope that I will be able to work doubly hard and get those good grades!

Perhaps it's time to step on the accelerator, no more horsing around for me. It's time to get down to serious business.

2008-03-17T04:40:00.001-07:00

There we go again, the never ending misunderstandings that occur between the two of us, when will she ever understand the true meaning of every sentence that I say?! Many things can have many meanings, one thing or one sentence being said can convey different messages, and she always comprehend all that I say to her in the negative light. Yah, okay, let's just take it in the way that I'm always the one saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things, fine with that? I fail to understand why she gets so angry over such minor things, it's not as if I did something really wrong and they have to bail me out of it, I'm sure words won't hurt as much as actions. I'm kinda slowly losing it already, gone are my patience and the heart of willing to apologize even if the fault doesn't lie at my side. I'm slowly changing, isit good or bad? I don't want to stand up against her, cause that would mean defiance, should I just take it in my stride and move on? I'm a person that remembers grudges, and won't let them go easily, so those that want to make me cross, be prepared for I live by this phrase, "Revenge is sweet."

"Grudges are things that can be let down, but it ain't easy for one to let it go."
"

I am BACK!

2008-03-16T02:50:00.001-07:00

After such a long time since I last posted, I'm back in action once again! Can you beat that?! I have been to Dubai and to HongKong. And I'm staying put in Singapore till my school starts in Mid-April. YES, I'm currently asting my time away, finding myself things to do when I'm home cause there is seriously nothing else for me to do other than to work by which I'm super unwilling to do so. There are certain things that have been bugging me ever since my holidays started, what am I to do in future? Is what I'm actually studying a choice of my own or isit actually me just trying to please others? Perhaps, I should just let go and let nature take its oen course. My grades for Year 1 is out, and I'm not really that glad about it, I know that I haven't done badly, but with this grades, I have to work even harder in Year 2 and 3 to pull my G.P.A. back up to the minimum 3.5. I'm currently about, 0.159 points away from my dream grade, it may seem little, but this is the little bit that actually makes the HUGE difference. Ok, enough of my continuous ranting, telling you more about what has been going on in my life, is it just me or is it my family members are more difficult to get along with these days? They seem to fail to understand what I really want in life, whatever they do sometimes just really irritates me and leaves me fuming mad at them and they just don't seem to get it?! It may be just me that cannot get along well with them or are they the ones that are making my life so miserable? I do feel glad that they are beside me supporting me when I need them, but at times, they do certain things that make me feel that they are simply over-doing it. I should just sit down, relax and think about what I really want out of the mess I'm in now.

"When I smile and laugh at your jokes, who really knew that I was breaking down on the inside of me. I am the joke, right?"

Back after several months.

2007-09-29T06:06:00.000-07:00

Sigh, I'm finally back to update this blog after what seems like umpteen years. Time flies, and I'm into my Semester 2, Term 3 in S.P. I don't know if I'm being over paranoid or something, but I'm already starting to feel the stress piling on me. My current time-table is a 5 day work week. Gone are the days of slacking over the long weekend. Ironic as it is, my friday has the most number of modules and is the longest day of the week, which starts from 8am and stretches all the way till 5pm. I feel jittery at the thought that I ain't touching my books when I'm at home. I start at 8am on two days and that equates to leaving the house at 6.30am on both occasions. By the time I'm home, I'm like dead beat. That's why I always tell myself that I should practise more time management, at the rate I'm going, I think I might not fare well this semester.

But Thou shalt not give up hope on myself just yet. Then again, what more can I do? I feel lethargic on weekends too! My English standard is simply disastrous, please. I'm no longer excelling in it as I used too. What can I do to further hone my skills and bring it back to the standard it was originally? Currently, I feel extremely guilty when what I had in my mind could not be put into words and then spoken out as fluently as what it was like in the past. Language is something that cannot be learnt, or should I say, comes from constant reading and listening. Therefore, here I promise myself, I would make it a point to listen to Newsradio 93.8 and also read more books instead of wasting my time sleeping and resting. When has to be done would be done. I will nto procastinate and drag it any longer. I promise.

8 modules, 2 terms, 1 semester. All I need to do now is work hard and strive hard. Are you with me?

Time wasted cannot be recovered. But I'm positive that you can chase back what you lost by working doubly hard and pushing yourself past the limits of one. I will prove to you that, that is possible. Obvious linkage, oblivious to the world? Anyone out there that understands me? Anyone?

Finally, I have the time to blog..=(

2007-07-28T08:10:00.000-07:00

After umpteen pleas from my friends and also, the guilty feeling I get from leaving this blog address un-used, I am back to update those out there who are kind of interested in what has been going on in my pathetic life. I shall forgo the usage of all fanciful and colourful vocabulary because my brain is simply too tired to think of anything right now. All my term tests ans semestral examinations are currently coming up, namely on 6th, 7th, 10th, for term tests, like Critical Reasoning Skills, Geomatics, and CAD Modelling. For my examinations, I have Chemistry, Basic Mathematics and Structures, on 13th 15th and 20th of August. Life has very much been the same routine lately. My family has been the same too. Occasional squabbles do occur and once in a blue moon whereby a fight occurs also takes place. But whenever I sit down and reflect on what I could have done better and how I could have gone about making it happen, I would start regretting... I take a look at her daily, and on weekends too, massage her when the need arises. However, seeing that her condition fails to improve for the better, I feel so damn disheartened. When? When will she be able to come back to us in whole?! I dreamt of her last night, she was talking to me heartily, I was so happy in that dream that I found myself crying. When I woke up this morning only to find that it wasn't real. Reality hit me and I was back into a slight depression. Perhaps, I could have treated her better in the past? Perhaps I should have paid more attention to her? What have I done? I seriously don't know and don't want to know. Let bygones be bygones. But, can I really let it go? I wonder..

Euthanasia is the right choice?! For me and for my family, I dare say that we will never agree to it. She is our everything and we will not let her go no matter what happens. We love her and I know my family will get through this rough patch together. Ann, it has been 2 yrs and 2 months since the day you left us, when will you come back to us once again? We await your arrival patiently. Come back, we'll walk together as a whole. We will wait forever..

Sick, VERY sick.

2007-05-18T04:36:00.000-07:00

I'm currently into the EXTREME or should I say, PEAK of my illness. I'm down with a bad cough, runny nose, fever that comes on and off and lastly a REALLY BAD stomach. I run to the toilet like 4 to 5 times a day? Nicole Tan Ruo Wen requested for me to blog. So, TAA-DAA~ I'm here to BLOG! I have been in SP for about 5 weeks for now, and I've gotten used to life in the School of Built Environment. Thank God the people in my class are all NICE so I think it shouldn't be much of a problem to sail through the three years in there right? Let me talk more about school life, hmm, they are all generally smart alecs, *PSST* they are all scorers of 13 points and below for L1R4, so the stress level is for me, on a RED ALERT. They are a bunch of fun-loving people, especially on THURSDAY when they like to meet up as a class for BOWLING. I gave it a miss last week cause I didn't turn up at school. DEWT/FT/1A01 is a nice class but quite a noisy one too. But, we only seem to be noisy when it is CAD modelling and Structures. I don't hear loads of noise during Analytical and Physical Chemistry? Why eh? Perhaps they are all afraid that the teacher might just pick the noisy ones as the "LUCKY CHOSEN ONE" to answer all the chemical equations and chemistry questions. I just did my first Maths and Chemistry Test last Wednesday. I guess it was alright...I HOPE it is alright too! =)

Ok, I had better go rest now, my stomach is aching again! Bye for now..=(

Others~

2007-03-20T23:06:00.001-07:00

These songs sound nice too.. In my opinion, that is..=)

All About Ron..

2007-03-20T22:51:00.001-07:00

This is a list of his songs.. Sigh.. Finally get to hear his voice after a LONG LONG time.. Ok, I suppose school will be commencing rather soon. Will be embarking on my new journey of life once again. I have to leave all the unhappiness behind and move on. I have to remember Time and Tide waits for No man.

I finally know where I will be heading.

2007-03-07T17:33:00.000-08:00

For all those out there who are wondering where I will be heading, this is it. I'm heading to Singapore Polytechnic. The course I'm taking is Environmental Management and Water Technology; It seems to be a cross-disciplinary course between Built Environment and Engineering. Some may ask, "Will you be appealing out?", Well, my answer is No, WHY?!, It's simply because I kind of feel that this course is kind of interesting. I mean, if i take an interest in something, it then should not be a problem for me to complete it right? So, those who are worrying about me right now, don't be too worried cause I know what I'm doing. I'm sure I won't be making the wrong choice. Seriously, I find it kind of contradicting. I used to tell myself how much I hated Maths and Chemistry. And now? I'm going to take it as my "so-called" career path. But, I suppose this is what I have chosen and I will just take on this challenge and work even harder! Don't worry about me. I will prove my worth to you. Lastly, I want to bid farewell to my fellow people of my clique. To Marie Lai who is heading off to TP for Tourism, take care! I know that with your bubbly personality, you can do well. Jia You! To Jasmine Lim, who is heading to SP together with me, BUT, our courses are worlds apart and I doubt you will remember me by then, go for it in Banking and Finance. Remember it's your strength? GO! To Wee Fong, you are the only one in our clique who is heading for a JC, hope that you can do well and score well in your 'A' levels too ok? Lastly, To Yan Ying! , DEAREST OWNER, up till now I'm not very sure as to which course you are doing! BUT, I know it has something to do with Business and Information Technology RIGHT? Ok, whatever it is, take care and I hope for the best for you.
Take care~

Life is always so contradicting. But I suppose it's time for me to take up the challenge and go for it. Are you with me? I hope you are cause I think I do need support along this long and winding journey.

Disappointed.

2007-02-10T18:32:00.000-08:00

Ok, results are back, everything is done. And i'm truly disappointed. I have made my choice, i do make it to a JC but i have decided to seek a higher level of education in the polytechnic instead. My results are quite bad if you should ask me, but at least i still scored an A2 for my English, i suppose that serves as a consolation for me? I just added a whole load of songs at the column below all my particulars. Just click on it to hear those cantonese songs that i find kind of nice.. No Ron, i guess. Cause i couldn't find his songs anywhere.. Ok, ain't really in the mood to blog. Going for a cruise soon. the week after the Chinese New Year. Till then, Goodbye.

Although I appear to look strong on the outside. But who truly knew that I was crumbling and dying on the inside?

WHY?!

2007-02-07T18:03:00.000-08:00

Okok, because my Dearest Senior Chua Li Ying said that it takes MILLIONS of YEARS just to read a post of mine, I'm going to prove her WRONG! Ok, it hasn't even been a month since i last blogged right? Now, I haven't been doing much lately, apart from watching my discs, staring at RON and perhaps playing n fiddling with my Poker cards 24-hours. I have been sleeping late for the last few days.. Staying up late at night to do what??? Haha, to play card games like Gin Rummy, BlackJack and even Poker. I finally see what is so exciting about these games. HAHA! I have kinda stopped playing Mahjong for a WEEK now. Unbelievable right? WAHAHA! TOMORROW will be the day that i will be getting back my results. SIGH! Another time of fear and tension building itself to the climax. Here i am, staring at the clock, seeing it tick by, in no time, it will be friday and it will be time to face the music. DON'T, i repeat, DON'T ask me about my results. Cause i'm pretty sure that i wont be answering your question. I will keep it all to myself. Teehee. *flashes an evil smile* =) Ok, when i get back my results, i will post again. THAT will be TMR? so that means it wont take me a million YEARS right? My dearest senior??

Fear is building, Anxiety is growing, the time has come, to face the music... =(

The day is Nearing?

2007-01-13T02:44:00.000-08:00

I have been scanning through the various blog posts, I even found my old blog by which I have not deleted because I simply forgot the User-name and Password to that account. www.nerdie-gal.blogspot.com, looking through those blog-posts. I seemed so carefree at that time. It was two or three years back to be exact; I was freed from the troubles of the world. The many complications that this world has. An innocent and child-like mind was what I had. No plots were being hatched. Help was being extended not for its returns but for the true meaning behind every deed being done. However, being in such a realistic world, only the fittest survive. Life is a rat-race. Everybody strives for perfection, everyone wants to be the cream of the crop. It then evolves into troubles and plotting. I have been taking a long break since my O levels' ended. Nope, I have no intention of finding myself a job because I find that I'm not of the suitable age and calibre to step into the working world yet. Call me an over-sensitive brat, but I really don't want to have to face the ugly world full of plots. It will then seem as if everyone is in a conspiracy. I have been reflecting and thinking back on the years, have I wasted too much time in the past? Have I been fooling around too much that I haven't been serious in anything? I seriously regret the foolish things I have done in the past. It is high time I wake up and start doing something serious.

I have noticed that my previous posts have some or many to be exact, grammatical errors and spelling errors. But if you can interpret what I have written, I guess I have accomplished my tasks. I will not edit those posts because I find it a total waste of time. As long as you get the gist of what I'm blogging, I feel that I have done my job. Right?

The linkage seems so obvious to the naked eye and yet it is so oblivious to the world. How contradicting that sounds.

Simply Wrong. Really Wrong.

2006-11-23T05:58:00.000-08:00

What a ironic and contradicting family i am in. A family that is quite Big to be exact. Six people in total, a few years back, when all was well. My family was a loud and quite cheery one. Six birthdays in a Year..How fun it was. Now? As years go by, the people that celebrate my birthday get lesser by the year. My dad isn't in Singapore this year, my sister isn't with me, my brother actually didn't even bother to wish me on my birthday. I only "celebrated" it with my friends and had a so-called birthday dinner with only my mum and niece. Yup, that was how my birthday went. I'm really at a cross-road now. My mum said that i'm at logerheads with my brother, i dont get along well with my sister either. My brother doesnt get along well with my sister as well. Damn my bloody brother, if anybody should be banished from this earth, it should be him. Really, he is a freaking sore loser. We were playing cards as usual and thst stupid sore loser lost his temper at me cause i won his teeny weeny bit of money. Goddamn it, If you are a person that cannot afford to lose then dont even suggest playing. When he lost, he ust flared up, threw those bloody cards down and screamed all kinds of vulgarities. Be it F**K you, Bi**ch,MotherFu***ER..damn it, you name it, i bet he said it too. Bloody hell, i have feelings too ok, Dont you dare flare up at me ok.WTF. He told me to watch out when i'm walking on the roads. Wtf,fancy ur own BLOOD brother, mind you, warning you about endangering your life when you are out. God, what kind of family am i in?! I just cant take this shit anymore. I want out man, just get out of my life. Stop bothering me. Back off alright?!

:(

2006-11-16T03:04:00.000-08:00

Another paper down..nothing is left but the last paper of all. The MCQ of Combined Science (Physics/Chemistry). Sigh, this is FINAL~ everything is done. My fate is sealed, my life in PL is going to end soon. Ok, feeling a little sentimental once again, does it happen to everyone or is it just me? 20th of November, when I turn "sweet" sixteen, I will be stuck in school doing my MORNING paper. BEAT THAT! Morning paper.. Having to report there at 7.30am? My goodness, I have never woken up so early in my life for my birthday! I normally sleep till 12+ when the sun shines on my buttock..till then, I will slowly crawl my way out of my cozy bed. NOW?! SEVEN-THIRTY! Ok,I shall look on the bright side of life, it's the last day. YAY! BUT, then again.. Last day of exams= Last day of official school life in PL= Last day of my TEN whole years in PL= Last day I will see my friends in the long run= Last day I will see the teachers and listen to their prayers for us= Last day of my Secondary School life. Sigh. Just praying hard that my hard work will pay off.. Please...:(

Sigh.

2006-11-13T04:30:00.000-08:00

Halfway through the long and taxing last lap of race. All is going to end soon. Is it going to be in a happy and jovial mood? Or is it going to be one that all will be shedding tears as they leave the school of which we spent a total of 4 years in. Conflicting feelings are really overwhelming and contradicting. Half of me feels real glad that i dont have to touch certain subjects anymore. Half of me feels really sad having to bid goodbye to the school and teachers. But I know that nothing in this world lasts forever. Things will not always be the way it is as it was like before. A maths is tomorrow. My most dreaded subject of all. Just hope that i can do my best and hopefully scrape through to attain a B4, that will then be the happiest day of my life. Sigh, all the integration and differentiation. Let me go practice more and make my dream come true. Dreams are things that are invisible yet invincible at the same time? I don't know...

P.S: Get well soon, Alicia Chen!!

Kind of grabbed it from my brother's friendster profile. Call me a sadist. But doesnt it look kinda cool? But i think it's a fake and i wont do such self-mutilating stuff. Dont think too much!

part 2.

2006-09-16T09:35:00.000-07:00

Leaving the sheltering walls of PLMGS(S), many thoughts have been running through my head. Having so many things happening at one go, examinations, and problems of all kinds, be it studying techniques or friendship problems. It all boils down to time management of things. I just read Marie Lai's "copy-cat" style of blogging. She was talking about the many things by which she will miss after she leaves PL. Knowing her so well, she wouldn't be so sentimental about such stuff so yeah, i infer that she got that inspiration from HuiZi's blog. Sheesh, i also tend to look back at what has happened. From Sec 1 to Sec 4, Many people say only one thing hasnt changed and that is my...Hairstyle... Ok, i admit that, physical appearance-wise, i havet changed much or should i say at all. But the personality and all has been moulded and my character isnt what it used to be. Everything matures over time, and things will be seen in another point of view as people go along in life. Let me take for example: A young man offers a sweet to a little girl, a dainty little girl would just accept it and say a word of thanks. But, for teenagers, they might suspect that there might be a motive behind it, for adults, complexity sets in, ulterior motives will be seen through this simple act of giving. That is what i mean by different perspectives. Ok, since i first stepped into PL in Sec 1, i was so eager to experience and unleash a new life but what i felt was plain bore and what i lived?--a monotonous life. Sec 2, a year by which decisions had to be made. Double Science? Combined Science? A maths? Art? F&N? i had gone through that decision-making smoothly. Sec 3, a new class, new people, new cliques were formed. Inner disputes within the class was something common, the older we get, the more self opinionated and self-conscious we get, squabbles occur. We sailed through that too, and here we are in Sec 4. I have made alot of friends in this memorable journey of life. And they always say that the friends that we make in Sec 4 are normally friends that will last for a lifetime. Here, i would like to dedicate some friends of mine and seniors too who play and make merry with me, brightening my days always:

MARIE LAI SOOK LING: This is one crazy and mad girl. Going nuts and being crappy 24 Hours is her forte. She has multiple crushes on everybody, ranging from guys to girls and actors/actresses to teachers. She does have some really weird taste at times though. I dont deny that fact. She is ego-istic but a good person to play with, as in a friend to make fun of and she wont get angry. what a good "punching bag". last but not least, this self-proclaimed A Maths PRO, doesnt practice A maths at all. But, she still scores SOMETIMES, i really wonder why... But i will miss her very much for playing such an important role in my life. THANK YOU! and YOU will be missed~! :(

JASMINE LIM WAN LI: This is one crazy J-rock fan. A self-proclaimed Hyde's mistress and a crazy Maths freak. Doing and Solving Maths Problems has alway been a breeze for her. Has weird habits like staring teachers and laughing hysetrically. Ok, that is an eccenric part of her. Nevertheless, she is one good friend(much better than MARIE LAI that is) because she is willing to lend a listening ear whenever she cans. She helped me through loads of rough patches and helped in nurturing and moluding the person i am today. She is one PRONE-TO-ILLNESSES woman because she is sick all the time. Just like me! ^5. i will miss the caring part of you more than anything else!! Take care!! And XIEXIE!

TAN YAN YING: This is a crazy HELLO KITTY fan. Loves to play the guitar and is my owner. Nothing much to say abt her really cause i only got to know her better this year. She loves Pure Geography the most because of a special someone* and i know that! An ah-pek dressing style is HER style but i know she likes n crushes only one person. and that is MARIE LAI! Dearest owner, thanks for always telling me that my results for geography can never be worse off than you because that was KIND of encouraging.-But in a negative way. Thanks for putting up with my nonsense and taking it up upon yourself as a responsibility. Arigato! *BOWS*

LIM WEE FONG: This is the quiet girl next door. I have been with her for 4 years and she always tells me n encourages me on my journey and long battle with Mathematics. I sat with her last year and my first reaction was: OH NO! how can i sit next to a person so darn quiet. Sigh. i had actually foreseen my days with WeeFong as quiet and to some extent boring. BUT! Life is never short of surprises, she actually interacted with me and we hit if off, it may be due to the same CCA we were in and complaining being my forte was what we always do when we got together. You were great as a friend and i really will miss this quiet and evil girl in future. Four simple words to express my gratitude. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!--Terima Kasih!!

JOANNE YIP MIN YAN: This is my sitting partner for this year. First impression i got from her was aloof and to some extent a "Pai-Kia", but after getting to know her and with her influencing me with her powerful memory of Mathematic Formulae and Geography knowledge, she actually got me going for both of these subjects. Always willing to lend a helping hand whenever i needed one and Crushing people was also her forte. Always complaining about me nudging her whenever i needed to ask her about something but never flared up at me for being so disruptive. Such a kind and understanding partner is one in a million! and i really do thank God for you!

RACHEL GOH KE YING: This is one loud-hailer. She sat next to me the whole of last year. I was left dumb-founded at first. WHY was i given the previlege of sitting next to her? Mrs Soh told me the reason, she wanted me to keep her calm and keep her down at all times. Her emotions were always on a high and her flow of adrenaline rush was continuous. Thinking back at the times by which she was whacking me while laughing, those are indeed forgettable, BUT! she still has some good points. She comforted me alot last year when she knew what happened to my family, and she was really nice at that time. There were few whereby i could confide in and she was one of them. Although i aint sitting with her anymore, i think my ears are slowly regaining their sensitivity. Thanks for being there for me when i needed help! DOR JEI SAI! - cantonese way of saying thank you!

THE CHEN SISTERS: Daphne and Diane, this cool pair of twins, their actions and tone of voice are the same!! Daphne's square-dance and tolerant nature is what i admire mosT! Square dance? Yah, she made up the whole dance and that is what represents her. She is always taking in others' criticisms and never take them too harshly. But the carefree and fun-loving nature of hers is bound to bring her far in life. Diane, i only know this girl from my a maths class, but i think that her character should be somewhat like her sister's. They aint twins for nothing right? Whatever it is, i wish the both of you all the best in time to come and thanks for always making me laugh. Thank You!

NICOLE TAN RUO WEN: Ok,she tagged at my blog immediately after i posted. Where's my name was her question. SO ok, this is it. She was my senior last year. Being with her in MRL was fun, she always lightens the atmosphere and bring laughter to everyone else. She was a great confidante and she is nice! Although slightly temperamental but nonetheless she is a great person to hang out with. Guided me through the path in MRL, and helped me so much along the way. You were there when i was left dumbfounded with the equipment. You were there when i broke down and cried over the phone. You encouraged me and asked me to not think so much about the negative things. THANK YOU!--KUMXIA!

ALICIA CHEN MEI TING: Thanks for nurturing me into not becoming the worst person in MRL. I remember vividly you said being the 2nd last would be better if not all your teachings would have been in vain. Having you always nagging at me and at times screaming at me to do MRL things did have an impact on me. You and your weird way of being late for 20 minutes for duty-->20 Chapel duties to complete would be etched in my mind forever. Because of you, i feared so much of turning up late for my duties. Cleared my doubts when i had many questions and helped me through my life in MRL in the first two years,made it more interesting and not-so-mundane. You and your nagging has brought me through in life. In all, this terrible girl here wants to thank you, :)

BETTINA TAN YI YING: This is a reaaaaaaaaalllllllyyyyyyyyyy squeally and baby-ish girl. Always hitting me for no rhyme or reason but she is one nice and friendly girl. Seeing her in MRL was a joy, WHY? Because she was always smiling and nothing could seem to get her down. I got to know her from Monday Duty in Sec 1, first impression? Sigh, this girl is so tall, seems to be towering over me, yah, her outer appearance was like a typical "Pai-Kia" of the school. Looked so cool, better not get too close to her. BUT, all these impressions were changed over time. She was nice to me and had that weird habit of loving to hug and kiss people. Thank God i havent lost it to her yet because im reserving it for my SPECIAL SOMEONE. Sheesh, i really love her and i know it is vice-versa. Thanks for being there for me in my troubled times. i extend my heartfelt gratitude to you here. *BOWS*

ADELINE LIM YI NOY: HEY! This is one really caring and fun senior to be with. She actually gives me a morning call-sms once in a while, always telling me to get up for school in case i was late, she seemed like my guardian. Always telling me that she will come and coach me Maths once her Final Year Exams were over and this girl is always the one who lift my spirits when it is down. Lifting off the "burden" of having to set up equipment in MRL was taken on as her responsibility. She had helped me in setting up all types of equipments, i only had to ask and she would be there to help me, i havent lost contact with her yet, but i do know that she is busy preparing for her exams now. She will be my dear forever and i know that i will not forget her in my passageway of life. SHE has made an impact and have left a footprint in my heart. Thank You!

MICHELLE FOO HIAO HUI: WHEY! This crazy and mad SHINHWA fan. Another fan of J-Rock. First impression was-Dao Kia. but that also eventually changed, soon after i got to know her. A really close friend of Bettina and these two are always seen together. She is one nice senior who always help out when the rest of them make fun of me, this is the only nice one of the lot i guess. Haha, she led me through my path of life, with her cute-hairdo, she always tend to make me laugh just by staring at her. She is always cracking jokes and making us laugh all the time. The jovial and cheerful character of hers is a character trait that will be influencing many others in the near future. Dearest Senior, stay the way you are and impact other people's lives even more. Thanks for making me life in MRL not so miserable! THANK YOU!!

THE CHUA SISTERS: Liying and Limin. First look at them? eww, lesbians ar? Ok, i was dumb at that time, i was only Sec 1, what did you expect. Then, i looked closely, oh, Striking resemblance, Ok, They are sisters! They first approached me amd asked if i knew Wei Sheng, i was like ahuh, he is my brother then they said Oh My God, you look so much like him. I felt so insulted at that time, please. But nevertheless, this pair of sisters also made my life in the monotonous CCA more lively and eventful. Limin's caring nature and Liying's aloof nature are worlds apart. One being so mature and the other being so baby-ish was also a contrast. But, these two sisters also balance out, right? Although they may bully me at times but they treat me fairly well most of the time. Having them in my life was something really great. They were always there when i needed them the most. Thank you and Take care!

LASTLY:
YVONNE TAN FANG LING: Ok, first impression as always: Oh my gosh, this one is a "REAL Pai-Kia" better not get too close to her in case i get into trouble. This girl here is just more expressive but i am sure that she means no harm. Always sharing the same sentiments as me so that might the the reason why we hit it off so well this year. I only got acquainted to her this year because of the same duty day group. She seemed so-alone so i decided to approach her. I was lucky that i made the first move because that had gained me another good friend. Always siding me when trouble arises and always standing the same stand as me always, this girl here has aided in my growth. Here, i would like to thank you for always encouraging me and spurring me on. Thank you!

2nd post on friends.

2006-08-31T07:19:00.000-07:00

Friends, in my point of view is a group of people by which will be by your side when trouble arises and stand with you through the rough patches. They will not forsake you no matter what happens.
From Dictionary.com:
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement.

Ok, it somewhat coincides with the true meaning of the word. But do i have any true friends in this place? I walked home in the rain today, took me about an hour to reach home, pondered about many things, studies and friends. I was wondering, having been in this school for four years, were there any true friends along the way or were they just friends that play insignificant roles like passer-by(s). I seriously doubt that i have true friends. Seriously, i mean i do have friends by which i can play and make merry with but if you were to ask if i can share my problems with woes with, i can tell you truthfully but sadly that I'm sorry, i dont have a friend by which i can pour out all my feelings too. All our relationships seem to be purely superficial. My friends, in school are a bunch of funny people, i do thank god for them but i dont have any true friends. Kind of pathetic huh? Ok, O's are nearing, Prelims are right after Sept Holidays. And i am getting the drive now, I', gonna score and do my family proud! I love my 8 Subjects. A maths, Maths, Chemistry, Physics, Literature, Social Studies, Pure Geography, AND, English!

I want my 7K!

Friends.

2006-08-11T23:55:00.000-07:00

This post is for all my close friends and good friends.

Firstly, i know that yesterday was a roller-coaster ride of emotions for you all. Some of you felt happy, some felt devastated but believe me, if you are willing to give it one more try, you people can do even better the next round. Really, i'm not lying.

No.1- Jasmine, I know that you are really contented with that grade of yours, so congratulations, you have done well and you know it, remember to work really hard for the rest of the subjects and do yourself really proud.

No.2- Marie, you shocked me silly yesterday when you started crying, god, you are one emotional girl, come on, cheer up. Go for it the second time, i believe that this round you can attain the grade you want. Believe in yourself alright? Work hard for the other subjects too kk? We three can do it together, let's walk together to the finishing line in a glorious and cheerful manner.

No.3- Yanying, although i didn't have time to go comfort you yesterday, i know that you were really upset and angry, but brace yourself. you know that this isn't the end, there is another chance at it so what are you waiting for? Grab that chance and show the world that you are capable of even better results. Remember, Garfield is behind you all the way.

No.4- WeeFong, I know that you have done well, so keep up with the good work and strive on. Bear in mind, this is only the beginning. So, Jia you k?

No.5&6- Daphne&Diane, Hey! stop being so upset already alright? Cheer up and remain your happy self, if you have any problems, feel free to ask me, i promise that i will help you with all that i can. Dont give up ok?

No.7-Joanne`partner- Whey! feeling better anot? you also cried yesterday, got me so worried man! Come on, cheer up and bring my lively partner back. Noe that you are retaking the exam. so work doubly hard ok?

------DONE!------

That was to cheer my friends up. They were so down and out yesterday. It was a whirlwind of emotions, well, for me, all went well i guess. Something that i did not expect. Tee-Hee. My results? Ask me yourself if you want to know. ok. i got to go mug for the upcoming tests, doing my physics notes now. So, gotta go. Catcha around soon.

I'm as angry as Jasmine Lim.

2006-07-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

I want to "dedicate" this post to my dearest class.
I know that some of you people think that i'm being very unsupportive of this class, e.g teacher's day. But please, try standing and looking from my point of view, i know for myself how good my grades are, i will stay back if the auditions don't clash with my tuition but if i really have to make a decision, i would definitely choose my studies over the class affairs. Sorry if you people think that i'm very selfish and aint thinking for the class. I don't mind the fact that i'm not recognised for collecting all the forms and so on. Yup, you people think that i am obligated to do so, Why? i am a class monitor what, i know that i am a monitor but if i have to take this on for a class who is more understanding and cooperative, i would gladly do that for you. But if all i get is people who complain about me veing a monitor and not supportive of all these events then i am really sorry. i dont think that i match up to your expectations of a class monitor and i would gladly give up that place in this class. It is not as if i desire to be this position in this class, i am really really alright with the suggestion of me giving up this stupid position. So, if i have put the point across clearly that i am not a f***ing slave for you. Do not treat me like dirt anymore.

P.S: to all the class committee members, except amanda.
Please dont try and take over and do things without the approval of the class. Although we may be silent and not object. That does not mean that we are oblivious to what's happening around.

Recuperating.

2006-07-18T04:28:00.000-07:00

I'm Sick,Sick,Sick. Havent been feeling too well lately, dont know what's up with the Lousy body of mine. Maybe, i just have been eating too much junk food that my body has become a PIECE of junk itself. Can be discarded just like that. Poof, my health can disintegrate. Ok, this post is meant for those who have been asking me to update and so i did! you see, the impact peers have on me, that is called peer pressure. Is it positive? Hmm. School lately has been very much the same old,mundane routine. Get up early in the morning, then get driven to school, walk back up to class, then go back down then go exercise. I dont believe it! i am in Taf! alongside Marie Lai`a.k.a Ego-girl and Jasmine Lim`a.k.a Flirt-Girl. BUT, we are in different categories Ok, if i am in the same catagories as them? i would rather drop dead and die. Ok, i dont want to sound so mean, but with my mouth just shooting itself off, there's nothing i can do right? maybe, i should stuff something in my mouth to keep it quiet. Sheesh. I dont know, i have changed very much lately, more introverted than before, liking to keep everything to myself, feeling that making my feelings known serves no purpose so i tend to bottle all of them up in me. But, i am really afraid that one day, my feelings would Expolde. I know i should not just push the problem aside, i should eradicate it isn't it? but is there any kind soul out there who could lend me a listening ear or a shoulder for me to cry on? But i only need it after my O's. So yah, till then!
Fine, i have to go now. All those out there reading this, Strive hard for your O's if you have them this year if not just do your best in everything you do. Take Care! :(

NIL

2006-06-15T23:19:00.000-07:00

i just finished doing that personality thing. Does it really speak much about me? i Dont know. anyway, i just want to tell those that are reading this that i wont be blogging much in the near future because of the various major examinations that are coming up but if you feel bored and want to talk to me etc. feel free to call me via my house phone and the handphone. WHY cant it be via msn? i am banned from it till my birthday, 20112006 will be the day i can finally resume using my dearest beloved msn. my mummy said that chatting on msn will make my english grades deprove and it will make me neglect my studies so. taadaa.no more usage of msn. ok i want to go mug for my mid-yrs.

Signing off,
Su-Qi

Is This What I Really Am?

2006-06-15T23:16:00.000-07:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion		40%
Stability		46%
Orderliness		90%
Accommodation		70%
Interdependence		16%
Intellectual		63%
Mystical		43%
Artistic		50%
Religious		16%
Hedonism		16%
Materialism		50%
Narcissism		23%
Adventurousness		30%
Work ethic		70%
Self absorbed		30%
Conflict seeking		50%
Need to dominate		43%

Romantic		10%
Avoidant		76%
Anti-authority		76%
Wealth		70%
Dependency		10%
Change averse		56%
Cautiousness		56%
Individuality		36%
Sexuality		10%
Peter pan complex		30%
Physical security		90%
Physical Fitness		10%
Histrionic		10%
Paranoia		76%
Vanity		16%
Hypersensitivity		63%
Female cliche		23%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were very high which suggests you are overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense too often of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

trait snapshot:
clean, secretive, does not make friends easily, observer, hates large parties, risk averse, perfectionist, reclusive, solitude loving, more practical than abstract, does not like to stand out, high self control, intellectual, mind over heart, very cautious, takes precautions, respects authority, irritable, emotionally sensitive.

Long Time Since I Last Posted.

2006-06-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

Ok,chinese O's are over now. only the chinese oral is still on.i'm now patiently waiting the arrival of the new term,let's hope that with a new term i will have a new lease of life Ok?Sigh, these past few months seemed to have gotten me thinking.I have been wandering around aimlessly but now, i seem to have a goal. i want to work really hard and prove them wrong, i have been just concentrating way too much about my family problems and all so why not just sit down and start using all those energy on studying instead. remember, my mum wants at least an A2 for the rest of the upcoming subjects, thinking of it just give me the creeps but, i strongly believe, If You Think You Can,You Can.So, i Can!hMm, this is considered a slightly happy post as to compared to the others, it may be because as you grow older day by day and given the fact that people matures with time, i have gotten used to the fact of favouritism etc. i mean, it is not as if i can control anything so why not just take it in my stride and just live life the way it is. it is i who should be taking control of my life and not the people around me. so i am going to bury myself in those bks now. nothing can disturb me now, any obstructions will get their deserved punishments, so steer clear of me. Cause i am making my comeback!

All my fault.(again)

2006-05-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

yeah.yeah.it is all my fault.it is my attitude that is giving ALL the problems.she says that i have an attitude problem.all the roots of the problems end up with me,guess what she came in to tell me just 1 min ago? i shall tell you.she said:As of now, i disown you, Lim Su-Qi and you are not allowed to step into my room etc. what did i do?all i did was to take the laptop to my room because i wanted some personal space to do things like to blog.all because of that? she disowns me?Ok.i shall remember this day for life. her actions and words have hurt me deeply. really.the tears keep flowing.Why?i really have no idea.i just keep sobbing away like noone's business and i also seriously doubt any of my family members care anyway. We are all too caught up in our lives. But the only thing i dont understand is why do i get all this rubbish? Why isnt the one who gets the blame and being scolded all the time be my sister`i know my brother will never get scolded. WHY? he is the only son what/ who asked me to be born into a family with only ONE pathetic brother?then the girls are being treated like dust.being swept away.When your parents need help from you. they EXPECT it from you,mind you,expect. and when you are not needed. you are being thrown aside like some kind of dirt, being swept off. Let's take today for example, my mum wanted to clear the corridor outside, so i helped lah.i moved everything.ranging from flowers to racks to all kinds of potted plants and i dont even get a word of thanks.`yah,they take it for granted.Then, after eating dinner i went to bathe, and all i did was lie on the bed and when her bedsheet came off, she blamed it on me. i said it wasnt me and the reply i got from her showed everything.there is no room for comparison-between my brother and me.WHAT is this? and to think that i naively believed since young that she wasnt biased.During the regular mahjong session. she was showing me displeasure throughout. she was with my sister and kept on making fun of me.what could i do?nothing,i just had to accept those uncalled for insults and move on.could i retaliate and say something back?NO.that was considered as being rude.Oh my god.i am so losing it.someone help.im really tired.SICK and TIRED!

Jasmine Lim Wan Li.

2006-05-19T05:35:00.000-07:00

This post is solely and only for Jasmine Lim Wan Li.
If you know her,and if you don't mind and have the time,do stop here and take a look at this post.Here are the 23 things you OUGHT to know about her if she is your friend.
WHY 23?
She is Register No. 23 What!

1. She is a BIG fan of Hyde.`she's crazy about him.like me n my Ron.

2. She is an eccentric fellow.Always poking fun of others.Especially Teachers.`I Don't! Really!

3. She is always quarelling with Marie Lai Sook Ling.`I guess she enjoys it as much as i do.Lims Rock.We DOMINATE the WORLD!

4. She recently found a new love.`Who? Sho.Alice Nine?Yups.

5. She Loves Literature.And Detests Chinese.`Just like me.It's in the blood of Lims I Suppose.

6. She is the fan club president of T.P!

7. She always hurts herself.`accident prone.LIKE ME!

8. She always sings her Japanese songs and hum it like nobody's listening.`I only sing cantonese songs.that is where we differ.

9.Wow,Fourteen More.My God.This is getting difficult.She loves ME!`i only love Someone!

10. She dislikes SOME people in our class.`^5

11. She has a Lessie Partner.That's Hannah!`I am so different from her on this.I'm totally not into that you know.

12. She loves only Japanese Guys. She finds Singapore Guys a walking embarassment.`I think so Too!But she doesnt mind the 9 o clock's show_Yu-Qi_

13. She LIKES TEACHERS.she's always trying to hide that stone-cold fact.`Haha.you cannot hide it from me.

14. She always take Marie's car home!`Me too! Dont we just love Marie?-her dad and her car i mean.

15. She LOVES numbers.YAY.all those 1 2 3 4 etc.`Omg,seeing all those make me go bonkers.

16. She is MINE PERSONAL tuition teacher.How nice of her to take time out of her busy schedule.`so nice of her.aww.

17. She is obsessed with losing weight! Jogging,jogging and jogging.Crazy Girl!`i dont care.i only EAT AND EAT AND EAT!

18. She Likes JUN too!`Yah.i remembered,but her love for him isnt as deep as it is for HYDE.

19. She is Register No. 23 of Sec 4B1.She score 2nd Highest for the Lit Test.`I am so proud of her.YOU GO GIRL!

20. She loves her Dog.WAGGY!`i want to see him!ok?

21. Her Sweet Sixteenth Birthday is on 22nd of November 2006.`I'm 2 days older than you.=)

22. She has one sister and one brother.`i got two sisters and one brother!

23. Lastly, she loves to laugh freakishly and stare at me in a funny manner!`weird huh?

I just woke up.

2006-05-19T04:58:00.000-07:00

I took a nap of an hour plus. Havent had my dinner yet and here i am blogging.ain't i a faithful blogger?haha.today marks the end of mid years for those subjects that they feel need not be studied otherwise known as "non-studying" subject.Congratulations, Su-Qi.you are one step into your own grave.Yay.I guess it simply isn't the time for me to be able to type out a cheery post.why huh?i thought maybe i could get up,drag myself to the laptop and maYbe type out a slightly joyful and encouraging post.but maybe i got all this wrong again. Today was also my English Oral.i think that it was ok for me i guess.but the conservation topic was like.Oh my Gosh.and the reason why?+Jasmine Lim,Marie Lai and I have been discussing about this topic practically all the time.How crazy are we?+The picture:Oh Yeah.I was also talking to Jasmine about being in a cosmopolitan country, we have to be accomodating and in a multi-racial country.Yaadaa-yadaa.i just said everything out in a somewhat detailed and continuous manner.so yup, that wasnt really a problem.it was quite fast and the examiners were wow.i was super afraid to get A.L and A.O. Praying real hard that my examiner wasnt them.im so gonna thank my lucky stars.YAY!

Jasmine Lim: this section is reserved for you.You ought to reflect huh.dont always poke fun of them.-shakes head- they are pple that we should admire and respect.remember. treat them with care and concern.Ok?

Thanks a bunch.

2006-05-05T04:14:00.000-07:00

i am so darn disheartened.like what the hell.ok.so what if i have not been faring well, at least i have improved a little, but where is my motivation?hello?i have been working hard if you happen to not notice ok? but any bloody sane soul can tell that my brother isn't working hard at ALL. and yah. it is fine that he doesn't work hard dont fare well and yah.no problem. everything's fine. YAH.and me?i get all the sarcasm, and all this crap. what am i doing in this bloody freaking world. i work like bloody hard and yet still fail in my a maths n yah. my fault again. WHY? she feels that i am not working hard at all. fancy her putting me her own daughter down at the dinner table in front of everyone. i dont mind the fact that i still dont do well after working so darn freaking hard for this subject and i am still not doing well. what infuriates me the most is that not only my effort is not being recognised.i still get SARCASTIC remarks mind you.what is this RUBBISH.i have had enough man. the thing that was once my motivation and driving power has put me down time and time again;it is high time that i shall just cut myself off from al connections from this bloody world and just concentrate on what i want to do and feel like doing. what for work so hard and get only stupid comments and while others like my brother get none of this crap. this is getting out of hand. i shall only Listen to what MY heart feels like doing and WHAT I FEEL like doing.if you feel like coming over to poke fun and irritate me.go ahead. i dont really care anymore.i have become inhumane=totally emotionless.

P.S:sometimes when you always see someone laughing and joking away, it is just a form of hiding the pain and hurt that she has in her. dont be deceived by her. you will never know what she feels deep inside her. she may be bleeding or whatsoever.but who really cares?==NO=ONE.

When?When?When?

2006-04-14T05:55:00.000-07:00

When will i ever be able to type out a long and jovial post?i seriously doubt that the day will come.every day of my life is so boring and mundane. Nothing interesting goes on for me, there is nothing of which i can actually look forward to everyday.i am someone who is growing you know, someone who is 15+,going on 16.i also do have my own personal life, my dear life does not revolve around the family only you know. it is not that i want to complain o whatsoever but this stupid thing is really getting me down. by just saying ok i will do it later, it seems that im being lazy and not helping out.hello.im sick and supposed to be home resting and not slogging it out. all i did was to sit outside on the living room sofa, chatting with my friends online and watching tv. i get asked to go and accompany my sister. all i did was just to give a LATE reply and she said a really sarcastic remark."QiQi, so you think i was singing just now is it?" Excuse me, all i did was to give a slightly late reply and this is all i get? why is this stupid world so unfair, i have already tried my utmost best to please her and help the family.is this all i get in return? maybe one day i shall silently leave this place. i think i cant take it anymore. Slowly Giving Up.

Why.Why.Why.

2006-04-08T07:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i tend to wonder,why why and why?why am i being caught up in this stuck-up and freakingly stupid world.have i been cooped up for way too long in the world of my own that i forgot the existence of others. it ain't my fault if i cannot get along well with them isn't it? why is it that when compared to ann i am so distant from the two of them? Why? i am so fine with him, all i did was to joke around with him and i get scolded, no not by my brother but by my sister who hss absolutely nothing to do with the conversation, can she just bug off? BUG OFF!
i am so tired,really physically and mentally tired,i just feel like leaving every darn thing behind in this world and leave, i need to find a pocket just so that i can breathe. she is not only the irritating one, her daughter is no better. now she is beside me, trying to irritate me. i can hear my mom's hearty laughter downstairs but can she actually feel what is going inside me? i doubt so. no one really understands me yeah? i really doubt so. i just want a piece of my mind`i only care about my o levels. really. i dont really want to get into those stupid and taxing domestic quarrels anymore.not anymore.

`tearing.:'(

I want my mummy.

2006-03-26T05:36:00.000-08:00

I want my mum. I miss her dearly, although she has only been gone for less than 24 hours, I am already thinking of my mummy.It may be psychological but well, because after my 2nd sister got into such a state and my daddy is not around because he is being posted to Dubai, there is a certain emptiness in me, now that my mummy is only overseas to enjoy and will be back on wednesday, I still want her back in my life as soon as possible. Why is it I feel so lost and find myself so sad? I am tearing as i type this post because i will never forget what my mum told me before she left for thailand today. She said,"This might be the last time you see me because you will never know what will happen next.". That really hurt me so badly, i felt as if a sharp knife plunged into me and my heart just kept bleeding profusely, i think that my blood will keep flowing from that invisible wound of mine till the day my mum comes back to me, which i hope that day will come fast. i don't know why but i feel myself numbing to the surroundings, all the things happening around me seem to have caused too grievious damage that my nerves are immune to everything now. i'm losing myself,i am.

`Mum, i know that i have been letting you down by not meeting up to your expectations, i am really sorry. i will try my best to attain the grades you want me to. You have my promise, i will not let you down. Never.

feeling super tired and stressed out

2006-03-24T05:36:00.000-08:00

I do remember Mdm Dhillon telling us during the first English lesson I had with her that stress is a good thing. It is able to motivate one to outdo herself once again, but being way too stressed in my case is doing me no good at all. I am currently down with a stupid flu, which gives me a sore throat and a blocked nose.YAY. that is so great right? i have been running to and fro to the toilet, having a really bad tummy, and a horrible stomach which throws everything back out not long after. I feel so sick and tired of this freaking world, i have no idea how long i can take in this horrible and unfeeling world. Please, i am trying my best to keep up with my life and following the pace in Sec4. It is not the stress only the stress i have in Sec 4, it is also all the commitments i have and my family problems. Oh My God, when is all this things going to end? When? When? When? i really need an answer and i beg for it fast, i doubt i can hols on any longer. Not any longer, please.

I am so lost.

2006-03-17T23:32:00.000-08:00

I really need to find my reason and purpose in life. I seem to be really lost, turning in circles often getting myself in a huge mess. i guess it is time i sort out my things and really find the real meaning in life instead of just remaining at whereever i am, i have been remaining the way and place i am for a long time, others have gone a long way before me and where am i? still at the same place, not moving anywhere. Many emotionally draining things are taking up my time and space, just as my msn nick says, No matter how dark the night is, morning always comes and the journey begins anew, but i stopped to think, oh yeah? is it really possible? then why is it that my world never seems to experience any morning, i see no light at all, not even a ray of it. hopelessness is a word that is able to describe what i am feeling deep down in me now. nothing can pull me out of self destruction,absolutely nothing.